1st Corinthians
Chapter 7

1st Corinthians Chapter Seven
Commentary by Ron Beckham

Verse 1.  "Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me:  It is good for a man not to touch a woman."

In our culture, most people think just the opposite from this Scripture.  Most of the magazine articles and self-help books would say "It is BAD for a man not to touch a woman."  This chapter (chapter 7) is largely about sex, for the most part, and as J. Vernon McGee pointed out, other writings on sex are presented in a much less dignified manner than the materials presented by the Apostle Paul.  The Lord, through Paul, takes a very difficult topic and will bless our lives with it.

Paul spoke (actually, he still speaks to us through the Word of God) from experience.   He had been a member of the Jewish Sanhedrin. In Acts 26:10, it says he (Paul) "gave his voice against" the Christians.  The only way he could have done that was as a full voting member of the Jewish Sanhedrin, and one of the conditions of voting membership was that the member must first be married.  The Jewish Yebhamoth, in a commentary on Genesis 5:2, states "a Jew who has no wife is not a man."   The "Mishna" said this should occur for a Jewish man at 18-years of age.

We know he was not married at the time of this letter (see verse 7) but when he writes of marriage, he writes from experience, and when he speaks of being "loosed from a wife" he is a man who knows the pain of loss.  When Paul cries to husbands "Husbands love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it" (Eph. 5:25), he shouts from the heart, as a man who has loved and lost.

Verse 2.  "Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband."

Marriage is an excellent "testing" place for us.  It tests what we are, and changes us.  J. H. Mac Duff once said:

"I stood in the test room of a great steel mill.  All around me were little partitions and compartments.  Steel had been tested to the limit, and marked with figures that showed its breaking point.  Some pieces had been twisted until they broke, and the strength of torsion was marked on them.  Some had been stretched to the breaking-point and their tensile strength indicated.  Some had been compressed to the crushing-point, and also marked.  The master of the steel mill knew just what these pieces of steel would stand under strain.  He knew just what they would bear if placed in the great ship, building, or bridge.  He knew this because his testing room revealed it.  It is often so with God’s children.  God does not want us merely to be like vases of glass or porcelain.  He would have us like these toughened pieces of steel, able to bear twisting and crushing to the uttermost without collapse.   He wants us to be, not hothouse plants, but storm-beaten oaks; not sand dunes driven with every gust of wind, but granite rocks withstanding the fiercest storms.   To make us such, He must needs bring us into His testing room of suffering.   Many of us need no other argument than our own experiences to prove that suffering is indeed God’s testing room of faith."

So it is with marriage.  Some will decide that marriage is impossible, because two fierce, opposing wills are constantly directed toward one another.  The ultimate secret, of course, is that each finally stop insisting on their own wills, in favor of the other, and even more important, in favor of the Will of God.

The Corinth that Paul addressed was an exceedingly sinful city.  Socrates, a Greek very much in the thoughts of those people, gave written advice to prostitutes on how they should conduct themselves.  As one author said about Corinth, "the whole thought (for most of the people) was to get rid of the desires of the body by satisfying them."   Sounds like a modern self-help magazine article.  I mean, you can drive down to the market and buy some kind of book with a "How-To" live a better life motif, and it will contain words very much like that.  I recently saw an article by a medical doctor, with the title "Use It or Lose It."

The Stoics of that culture, were a major force in the shaping of people’s ideas.   They taught that basic desires were to be denied, at all cost.  Those ideas are also around today.  This was in opposition to the Epicurians of that culture, who felt we should go all the way with our desires, whenever possible. Paul addresses both extremes in response to questions in letters from the Corinthians.

Verse 3.  "Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband."

What a wonderful job assignment:  To LOVE one another.  A lot of people have said, in books and sermons, "It’s the husband’s job to love the wife" (Ephesians 5:25), but the wife only has to "submit" to the husband (Ephesians 5:22).  That’s nonsense. The wife is a parable of the church in Scripture (Eph. 5:25 again) and the church is certainly supposed to love the Lord. Also, in Titus (2:4), the older women are to encourage the young women "to love their husbands…"

Love is the whole point in our relationship with our Lord.  "God is Love" as revealed in 1 John 4:8.  As we let our Lord into our lives, we learn to love.  He IS love, and He moves right into the center of our lives, into our heart of hearts, and brings His love with Him, for you and for me.  Affection becomes joy, for we learn to really LOVE that other person.

Verse 4.  "The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does."

That a wife should have such authority was a blockbuster in that culture, for a wife was generally thought of as chattel, not worthy of consideration.  When we consider the Bible, which offers dignity and freedom to women, it is important to remember that ancient culture almost unanimously took citizenship, even full humanity away from women, and reserved dignity only for men.   Paul, and the Holy Spirit, (in the Bible) uplifts the woman to a role equal to men.   In Christ, "there is no male or female…for you are all one in Christ Jesus" (Galatians 3:28 & context).

Verse 5.  "Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

Celibacy is a gift (and so is marriage).  Like teaching, or evangelism, prophesy, giving, or encouragement, the gift is a supernatural enabling, sent by God for a good purpose in our lives. By definition, the married are understood to not have the gift of celibacy.  They have other gifts of equal importance and the married are to love that other person, the spouse, with everything they've got and not somehow hold back from them.  The gift of celibacy should not be exercised in the absence of a Leading and an Enabling by Almighty God.  The husband and wife should love one another.  The married are to love, and are gifted in that area; the celibate are to love & are gifted in that.  The celibate person will be gifted by God to not express themselves in a sexual manner.  We are not all the same in our Lord.  Of such is the body of Christ.

Verse 6.  "But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment."

The whole of our life in Christ is about freedom in Christ, and not about bondage at all.  We just finished 1 Corinthians 6, where Paul surprised us with the statement "all things are lawful for me" --- also keep in mind that he went on, "but not all things are profitable" or "expedient" for us to do them. Out bodies belong to the Holy Spirit of God (1 Corinthians 6:19) ---  We no longer have to constantly worry about how we should behave or what we should do, for we look to Him.  We have been bought by Him and we are to glorify Him.  Each of us must look to our heart, where Christ lives, and follow Him, now and forever!

Verse 7.  "For I wish that all men were even as I myself.  But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that."

When I was younger, it was unthinkable that I would be unmarried.  It was like I was born to be married, for I really could not live any other way.  And then, at a different time in life, God gave me the Grace to remain unmarried.  Previously, I really do not think I could have been unmarried, and then I could.  I was growing older, but it is really in my attitudes - God was changing me.  That which I could not do before, became actually right for me, and God has changed me again, for He has selected me to be a husband to my wife.  The ability to be unmarried is indeed a gift, and all do not have it.  When we look to Him, we find that He enables to be what we previously could not be.

Verse 8.  "But I say to the unmarried and to the widows:  It is good for them if they remain even as I am;"

Many can agree with Paul --- there is much trouble in marriage.  Both the happiest and the unhappiest memories in life can relate to marriage.  I can remember loving my beloved of my youth more than life itself.  I would have done anything for her. I also remember how it was after she suddenly began her psychotic episodes.  It was like she was there but the best part of her was gone!   I remember the eerie feeling that it was like someone else was inhabiting my wife’s body.  This sweet, articulate, intelligent person, had instantly become a suspicious, even murderous person.  The joy of this person, that I loved more than myself, turned into a sort of hell on earth - for all three of us (including our daughter).  I could clearly see that, if we are unmarried, there is benefit in remaining as we are.

Verse 9.  "but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry.   For it is better to marry than to burn with passion."

God, who created sex and all that goes along with it, also created marriage, encouraging us in Genesis to "be fruitful and multiply" and teaching in Hebrews 12, us that "marriage is honorable in all and the bed undefiled…"   There is something wrong with humanity, but there is nothing wrong with marriage.   By that it's meant that we often take that which God gives us and misuse it.  The husband, who is supposed to love the wife, far too often hits her.  The employee who should be diligent and look to the interest of his employer, loafs on company time and pilfers.  And so on. Marriage is honorable---let us prayerfully consider how we treat that other person.  To those who are not going to be honorable in marriage, it is better to not marry.  But for those who cannot be celibate and will honor their spouses, "it is better marry."

Verse 10.  "Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord:  A wife is not to depart from her husband."

What we should see in all these verses is that we are to be very slow to change our circumstances.  Years ago when I was much younger, I asked my wife, "Why are you divorcing me(?)," she did not answer for a long time.  Then finally, unexpectedly, she volunteered that God "told" her to do that.  It did not sound right at all, for God loves marriage so much and does not seem at all pleased when we end our marriages.  These verses are clear:  We are not to divorce, we are not to change jobs; we are to remain in the circumstances we were called (to Him) in.  The variable in all of this is that He sometimes calls us to go in HIS direction.  That’s fine, for when He calls, we must listen, for it certainly can be time to go.

Verse 11.  "But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife."

Here it is again:  We are to remain in the condition in which we are now, and be very slow to change the circumstances in which we find ourselves.  We would be ahead financially, many think, if there were two incomes instead of one.  The children would be much better off with another "parent." We might think, "if only I did not have to make ALL the decisions."  Actually, many have had such thoughts, and many have come to feel sorry they have married, because motives in marrying are often insufficient.  If divorce does come, note this verse: let her or him expect they will remain alone.

Verse 12.  "But to the rest I, not the Lord, say:  If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her."

This was a big issue to these Corinthian people.  Theirs was not a Christian culture.  Today's "Western" world is not, either, but it has a lot of "Christian" influences and many like to think of it as "Christian."  In those days, at the time of this letter, it was common for a marriage partner to be "saved" and then wonder, "Now what do I do(?)" in relation to the unsaved spouse.  "Should I divorce them?" was one of the questions they addressed to Paul.  His answer:  If possible, stay with the other person!

Verse 13.  "And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him."

Now, lest we think there is one standard for the man and another for the woman, he responds to the wife: do not divorce your unsaved husband!  The same principle applies in all cases.  The exception is in the case of real, personal danger to the parties involved.  It is probably true that I saved the life of my young daughter, many years ago, by removing her mother from the home, when the mother stated her intention to harm our daughter.  Our job is to save lives: not unduly endanger people.  If he beats you, get out, but be very slow to divorce, and always look to God.  Jesus Christ is your true husband (the husband of us all in the church) and He loves you.  He does not want you, your spouse or your child to be harmed.

Verse 14.  "For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy."

There are blessings in the lives of those who know Christ.  Our Lord moves right into our lives, and He brings with Him, peace, joy, a concern for others, honesty, and much more.  The people in our lives benefit from the One who is in us.  Because of Him, we learn how to listen.  I once knew NOTHING of listening, and now I have learned much - because of Him.  To listen is definitely a benefit to the ones around us. 

Years ago, I went "down the drain" financially, and pretty much stayed there for two decades. He was with me, all that time.  Three times I worked hard but made no commission income for 6-months.  There was no other income.  At the end of each of those times, I still had a roof over our heads.   My family was not malnourished; there was some food in the pantry, and no one was sick.   There was heat or cool, depending on the time of year.  How He did it, I do not really know, but I do know that it was the benefit of the Lord in our lives, and it spread to also cover and protect my children.

Verse 15.  "But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases.  But God has called us to peace."

It was difficult to let my wife go, when she did not want me anymore, but I was finally able to let that happen.  One of the things I recalled was the time, many years ago, when I did not want God anymore - He gave me my inheritance and simply let me go off to be a prodigal son.  It eventually seemed only reasonable to let my wife go in the same manner.

Here’s a question: What if your wife (or husband) DOES start divorce proceedings against you?  What if your cries of "What about the children?" go unheard, and they walk out?  On the ground that "God has called us to peace" - let them go!  Remember, it is YOU that needs to learn to "Be still (cease striving) and know that (He) is God (Psalm 46:10)."  You cannot live the life of your spouse.  That is actually one of the things God is teaching you: to NOT always attempt to control the behavior of others.  Let them go, and then begin to pray for them.  Did they go to someone else?  Let them go.  Pray for them even then.  Marriage is a part of THIS life and the loss of every good thing is only temporary - we are headed for eternity, where there will be no more loss.

Verse 16.  "For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband?   Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?"

One time, I became acquainted with a man who was serving on jury duty in a Superior Court.  He told of the ten years his wife prayed for him, and during that time he did not receive the Lord.  He did go to church; but they prayed for him; they sought the Lord, fasted, and nothing happened.  Suddenly, after ten years, he received the Lord in a dramatic manner.  One of the factors in his decision to turn to the Lord, was his wife, who was kind and gentle, and loved the Lord, without constantly insisting that he MUST be a Christian!

On weekday evenings for a long time, a group of us tried to stay in shape by taking a fast-moving 45-minute walk through a local park.  One of the women said something very similar --- Her husband turned to the Lord ten years AFTER she did.  Finally the Lord saved him and also delivered him from substance abuse.  He told her that it was her example that continually touched his heart and finally resulted in his salvation, during those years.

Verse 17.  "But as God has distributed to each one, as the Lord has called each one, so let him walk.  And so I ordain in all the churches."

What God has "distributed" to you, might seem like a problem to you.  You might not like what God has given you.  Things are comparatively pretty good for us, here in in the 21st century.  In a few verses, Paul will be encouraging the slave (and a lot of people were abject slaves at that time) to incredibly remain in slavery. 

For a long time, I wanted things to be DIFFERENT.  I was not satisfied with my jobs, my lot in life.  I wanted MORE.  I did not understand that the limiting circumstances in which I lived were ordained by God.  I just thought I was "in a rut" or maybe this was some kind of accidental set of circumstances that I could overcome, if I just kept on trying.  As it turned out, I did not change things through striving at all.

Verse 18.  "Was anyone called while circumcised?  Let him not become uncircumcised. Was anyone called while uncircumcised?  Let him not be circumcised."

Stay as you are.  But there is an exception.  Note that Paul continued to go to the Jews and attempt to win them to Christ.  In just about every community he first started with them and spoke long to them before he turned to the Gentiles.  He was a Jew and he spoke to Jews, yet when the Holy Spirit revealed it was time to speak to the Gentiles, he did just that.  Yes we stay as we are, but we also follow the Holy Spirit of God.  God will teach us to be open and simply be what we are, but where He Leads, you and I MUST follow.  We’ll never know His joy any other way.

Verse 19.  "Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing, but keeping the commandments of God is what matters."

This was quite a blockbuster for the Corinthians of that day.  To be a Jew was thought to be a great benefit, in that place and time.  The Pentateuch, the Ark of the Covenant, the Exodus from Egypt, the 10-plagues, the parting of the Red Sea - all of this seems like ancient history to us. But it was recent history for those of the Roman Empire.

The news was still "fresh" to them, and there was an awe in relation to the Jewish people.  For Paul to say "Circumcision is nothing" was a much bigger statement than it is now.  On the other hand, Greeks practically WORSHIPPED physical perfection.  To be unmarked and beautiful was even more important than it is today.  To say "Uncircumcision is nothing" was also a powerful and surprising statement, because the mark of circumcision would seem like a deformity to many of the Greek and Roman people who lived in Corinth.

Verse 20.  "Let each one remain in the same calling in which he was called."

This verse sums up the chapter.  Be very slow to change your circumstances.  There are always people who turn to religion because they don’t like their lives.  I have run into people who apparently have turned to God for a better job and more money.  I DO believe, by the way in "battlefield conversions."  That is a World War I and II (and possibly U.S. Civil War) phrase, referring to the person who "converts" when bullets are flying and "unconverts" when the war is over.  A lot of those conversions, however, are real.

I am convinced life is tailored to bring people to Christ.  There is no other reason for the aging process.  If you have ever spent time in a convalescent home, you have seen older people who are losing everything - health, family (they seldom have visitors anymore), money (those places cost a LOT); their spouse is usually dead, and most have no real hope of ever going home - their home was probably sold by grandchildren to pay for the hospital care.  The person who has lost so much will turn in one of two directions: Outward to the Lord, or inward into anger. The Holy Spirit is speaking to them, urging them to choose the Lord.

I was called to the ministry when I was about 16-years old.  I responded in a couple of years by running-off to join the military.  In my 30’s, I had returned to the Lord, and subsequently experienced a profound call to return to school, and responded by getting a couple of degrees in Bible (A Bachelors degree in "Religion with Emphasis in Bible" and a Teaching Certificate).  I expected that because I had responded to Him this time, the doors to ministry would be flung open to me.   That was not the case - Such "doors" were emphatically closed, despite all my pounding on them, and I returned to a business career, disappointed in the result.

However, the Lord opened many doors to ministry by returning me to the business community, in situations and with people where possibly no one else might have been able to go.  And of course, wherever we go, we take Christ with us, because He is in us.  I was able to speak to people who would never go to Church or listen to Christian radio.  A favorite Scripture of mine has been Isaiah 43:16, where it indicates the Lord has "pathways" we know nothing about.  The reference is the Red Sea and the people Israel.  They had mountains on each side, the Red Sea in front, and the formidable Egyptian army behind them.  The Lord opened a pathway for them right through the water!

When you are discouraged.  When nothing seems to go right for you.  When you feel caught by situations that are out of your control, remember that the Lord has "pathways" you know nothing about.  If He leaves you in your circumstances, remember He is Good and is leaving you there for a Good purpose.  And always understand He has pathways that can lead you right out of a bad situation - If it's the right time, He ALWAYS can lift you right out of trouble.  Just relax where you are, the best you can.  Trust in Him, and when the time is right, He WILL deliver you, for He loves you.

Verse 21.  "Were you called while a slave?  Do not worry about it; but if you are able also to become free, rather do that."

Many people feel like slaves in some job or another, and perhaps in marriage, as well.   There is an impulse, when we receive Christ, to feel we are called to go off to some kind of ministry.  Sometimes this impulse is the Lord, but He much more likely prepares us for many years before we are sent.

Being a slave is not pleasant.  The example of slavery made very real to us in recalling what existed in the U.S. before the Civil War.  Incredible, isn’t it, that one person would actually feel they could "own" another person?  Yet, they did.  The rationale was to legislate away the humanity of those other persons.  Many, most of the slave owners in the U.S., convinced themselves the group they enslaved were somehow not as human as they were.  Hitler, in Germany, did the same thing, by deciding that other "races" (there is only one race, the human race) were somehow inferior.  Internationally, we have done the same thing with our unborn children – legislation has been passed that the "fetus" is not yet a person, and therefore may be legally murdered – not for crimes they have committed, but it is in their innocence that we kill our children.

Slavery in the Roman Empire, as it was among the Greeks, was very common, and was often NOT racially motivated.  The actual motivations included money (receiving work without payment of wages), power over other human beings, prestige (having more slaves than the Joneses), and so on.  Bad motives and very bad treatment of other people.  Yet Paul says, "stay where you are… don’t be concerned about it."  If the Lord sends you here or there, fine!  But be slow to send yourself. Start letting HIM make the decisions. That’s the way it should be, and that is the only true of REST for your soul.  But when He sends you - Go!

You see, the real victory in our lives is not a better job or more money.  Real life does not consist of money, or even health.  When Jesus said "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life" (John 14:6) He was giving you the secret of real life, which is better than externals.  It is better even than being free.  We have met people who have everything they want, and yet they are miserable for all of it.  The reality of joy does not come from circumstances, it comes from Jesus Christ, crucified, dead in the tomb, buried, risen, and ALIVE in your heart and mine.

Verse 22.  "For he who was called in the Lord while a slave, is the Lord's freedman; likewise he who was called while free, is Christ's slave."

Every one of us in Christ is called of God. God has revealed His will to every one.   Where are you now?  What are you doing in the place you are in, right now?   But if you make a mistake in your choices, it is not the end.  Many years ago, when I ran away from His call, He simply used my mistake for His glory and ultimately, for good.

How do you really KNOW the purposes for which God called you?  You may think, "I don’t remember being CALLED at all!"  We are all saved for a PURPOSE and that purpose is often all around us and we don’t see it!  So many times, I have been in a place, and I wondered, why would God want me here?  I could think of no reason, so I decided to leave.  God has blocked many from leaving places and circumstances which they thought were bad.  It is later we understand that God uses me in those "negative" circumstances – that’s why we were placed there.  People see Christ in us when we see only the "trouble" we are in.  That’s why, when we try to get away, it does not work.  That’s why, when we pray, He did not seem to answer.  As it has been said, "we are often the only Bible that people around us ever read" and if they are still "reading," we should be slow to go away from them.

Verse 23.  "You were bought with a price; do not become slaves of men."

I cannot stress enough that we do not belong to ourselves.  I am not mine; you are not yours or mine.  If we are married, our spouse is not "ours."  The purchase price has been paid for each and every one of us.  We are free in our Lord.  Jesus Christ gave His blood for each and every one.  We belong rightfully to Him.

Therefore, it is no longer our choice what job we take.  If we need a job, the interviewer doesn’t make the decision – he or she is simply God’s agent in the decision as to whether or not to hire us.  It is no longer our decision when we want to move to another part of the country or world.  We have the freedom to turn to Him in all things.  In other words, we PRAY at every crossroads of life.  Have you ever noticed how stressful it is to make certain decisions?  One of the marks of the elderly is that they (we) often reach a point where they have made one too many decisions.   Decision-making, easier for the young, cumulatively becomes much harder for those who are older.  That is one reason why it is important to turn our lives fully over to the Lord.  Life gets harder as we get older.  When He says "My yoke is easy and My burden is light" (Matthew 6:33) He is urging us to prayerfully come to Him in our decision-making, and in all things.  He will direct you.

Verse 24.  "Brethren, each one is to remain with God in that condition in which he was called."

We are like we are, because that is how God made each one.  If we are short or tall, or have a certain intelligence or special abilities, it is not because we deserve the good thing, it is because of God’s grace and it is given for HIS purposes.  From that perspective, we do well if we accept what we are, for by doing so, we accept God Who made us.  Faith, from that viewpoint, is defined not only as 1) Believing that He is, but also that 2) we trust He knows what He is doing, and finally 3) we accept His love – We believe that what He does, what He allows, is done out of love for you and for me.  We are to TRUST in Him.

Verse 25.  "Now concerning virgins I have no command of the Lord, but I give an opinion as one who by the mercy of the Lord is trustworthy."

Every once in awhile, we meet someone who has never been married, and never been with another person in such a manner.  We are surprised, because it is  not typical for our society.  "Modern" culture is obsessed with the concept of "fulfillment."   Actually, the true feeling of being fulfilled is never going to be realized in marriage, employment, owning a business, career, good health, or any of those things the "experts" tell us we must have in order to be happy.

I have read all sorts of interpretations about what this verse actually means, by the way. When Paul says "I have no command of the Lord" he is likely referring to specific commands, such as in Matthew 5 and in other places.  We are not to commit adultery, even in our minds and hearts.  We are not to divorce, except for the reason of adultery by the other person (which is a pretty strong signal that your partner has already left the marriage).  Also included is the Lord’s observation that to marry a divorced person is to commit adultery.  Jesus was very specific that marriage is not entered into lightly – It is a lifetime contract of love and fidelity between a man and a woman.

Our Lord gave those commandments, and when Paul says "Now concerning virgins, I have no commandment from the Lord" he is dealing with marital situations not previously discussed by the Lord.  The Corinthians had asked these questions in a letter to Paul, and Paul is prayerfully responding, not only to them, but also to you and to me.

Verse 26.  "I think then that this is good in view of the present distress, that it is good for a man to remain as he is."

In our culture, we generally decide it is good to be married.  And sure enough, it is.  In the early church, it was generally felt the Lord would return before the end of the first century, AD.  The "present distress" included the reality that Caesar Nero was now on the throne of Rome, and that he was a lunatic who did not like the "followers of the Way," as early Christians termed themselves.  He often had them tied to poles, dipped in oil, ignited, and used them to light his garden.   Most of us have not yet experienced a threat of death in relation to our Christian experience.  In the Rome of that time, remaining single would certainly have merit.   Who could bear it if his or her beloved became a torch in Nero’s garden?

Verse 27.  "Are you bound to a wife?  Do not seek to be released.   Are you released from a wife?  Do not seek a wife."

The message continues – if doors are to open in our lives; let them be the Lord’s doors and not merely our own.  There is a message in all of this, as to remaining married, staying single; not changing jobs, retaining the status of "slave" --- and that is:  Don't be too quick to change your circumstances if you don’t like them.  I have seen, with surprise, that when I go to another state, or change jobs, or whatever, that my troubles (which I thought I left behind) go with me.

Some say to not be married is a kind of "death", wherein a great source of happiness is denied us.  (Others might say to be married is a kind of death).   As Christians (or not), our first step in contemplating a life change, is often to decide we have logically considered everything, and then we may pray for assistance in deciding how to make the change.  After we do whatever it is we have decided, we tend to ask God’s blessing on what we have already done.

Try this as an alternative:  Pray first.  Stay before God in prayer.   Don’t do anything until God has answered, even if it takes a long time (for today's people, a "long time" is probably something more than a day).   Accept it when He sighs in your heart and responds "No, my child; remain where you are."  For remember, He called you in your present circumstances and may well have use for you right there!  Be slow to change that which God has not changed.   Follow HIM and not merely your own ideas.

Verse 28.  "But if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you."

A beautiful part of marriage is to love that other person so much that you want their needs, their victories, their joy, more than your own.  When we read "husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25) we recognize that marriage is a sort of parable, introducing us to the incredible love that God has for His people. Christ gave Himself up utterly, for you and for me, ultimately dying in our place, that we might live.

Marriage can fall short of that mark.  If we are truly in love with our spouse, we overlook their faults.  We are pleased that they are just as they are, for we love them.   It is a given that we love ourselves.  If we say, "I do not like myself," it really means "I like myself so much that I am annoyed with the body that has been given to me – I am so much better than this."  We automatically care for ourselves, but the greatest joy in life is to utterly love another.   I am convinced that the greatest joy of life with God, after "death" will not be knowledge (though we will know, even as we are known), but love.   Eternity will be an unending process of falling love with the Lord, over and over again.  We will live in His love for us; the love He has given to you and to me.

But please note what it says in Verse 28: "if you do marry, you have not sinned!" That includes the divorced as well as the never-married.  Though some teach otherwise, we can be forgiven from even the sin of divorce.   In remarriage and in all things we must seek the Lord and follow HIM; not our own understanding.

Verse 29.  "But this I say, brethren, the time has been shortened, so that from now on those who have wives should be as though they had none;"

Our main focus in life should be on our Lord.  He is our permanent inheritance and everything else we enjoy is only temporary.  In eternity, we shall "be like the angels, neither marrying or giving in marriage."  Marriage is a device for this time, this place (as a method of learning to love, and also for the bringing of people into the world), and it should not be the whole focus of our lives.  It is obvious in Scripture that the wife and husband are to love one another, but first we must love the Lord, and then we are made truly able to love one another.

Verse 30.  "and those who weep, as though they did not weep; and those who rejoice, as though they did not rejoice; and those who buy, as though they did not possess;"

Jesus made a number of statements along the line of "let the dead bury their dead" and so on.  If I am caught up in my grief so that I cannot function, I am probably not thinking about others and what they might need.   If I am so deliriously happy that I could not conceive of being any happier, because I have a great spouse, a wonderful job, or whatever, I am perhaps giving insufficient thought and prayer in relation to those around me.  Life is more than all about ourselves.

Have you ever thought about what it means to accept the concept of Adam and Eve as literal parents of every person?  It means we are all one people, one blood, one race – we are brothers and sisters in Adam and Eve.  Same with Noah – if we accept him as the progenitor of all of us, we are again one in him.  If we are all family, we should all love one another.  We are twice born, first in Adam and then in Christ, it is unthinkable that our focus should be anywhere but on the needs of other persons.   What I have (or don’t have) matters less when I start to consider your need.  What we need is one another, as Christ directs us and enables us to love.

Verse 31.  "and those who use the world, as though they did not make full use of it; for the form of this world is passing away."

We all have choices. Assuming we have the money this weekend, we can go to the movies, go out to dinner, go sailing if we are near the water, or whatever.  But we can be better off if we don’t take advantage of every opportunity that comes our way.   Many spend years grabbing everything possible within reach.  As we look back on it, most of it did not make us wiser or happier, and didn't make the lives to those around us any better, either.

"It’s my life and I can do what I want with it" is just NOT a true statement.  This is really a SELFISH statement, and selfishness only leads to unhappiness anyway, for you and for the people who must encounter you on an on-going basis.  Full use of this life is to receive Christ, discover His love, grow in His way, and then share His love with those we meet.

Verse 32.  "But I want you to be free from concern.  One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord;"

The key Scripture of my life has been Matthew 11:28-30, "Come unto Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you, and learn of Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."   How can you be without care (that is, without anxiety, nervousness, fear, dread, and the like)? --- Come unto Him!  Being married, as in these verses, can be very good, and to address the cares of this world is not bad thing either.  The point is, we are to place Christ first in our lives, for nothing else works right, unless we do)  What would life be without music?  The answer is, it would not be as good.  What would life be without Christ? There would not be any life at all.

Verse 33.  "but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife,

The statement of this verse is true.  What’s important when you are married is pleasing your spouse.  For most, in marriage, it often seems that we fall short of pleasing them.  We have to have many cares for them; and then there are more cares that we never even thought of yet!  I always thought it was important to vacuum at least once a year, and to dust at some point before you leave that place and move to another.  The dishes should be washed when you run out of them.  Wives don’t think like that – and it takes a lot of concerned thought to anticipate what the other person might want at any given time.

Verse 34.  "and his interests are divided.  The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband."

The wife, on the other hand, is expected to be sympathetic when she does not see her husband all day, and here he comes, rushing home – To see her?  No, to turn on the football game!  I remember a young couple, who came next door to seek our advice – She was in tears, and he had a hard, set look to his face.  She had spent the day, washing and ironing his shirts.  He came home, looked at them, frowned, and threw them on the floor, announcing that they weren’t ironed as well as his mother did it!  I do not know what happened to that newly-married couple, but I am not encouraged about how things might have turned out.  And when he (the husband) comes home, she sees him as an escape valve for the children – at last, he can be with them for awhile and she can get some peace.  But no, he needs some "time on the Internet," so he can unwind."  He’d better be careful, or she’ll unwind him for good.

Verse 35.  "This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord."

Life is very distracting. I have often thought that we have all the labor-saving devices in the world, and yet we have less time than ever.  We have clothes washers and dryers.  Automatic coffee makers are in just about every kitchen.  We have microwave ovens, automatic transmissions, high-speed dental drills.  I don’t have to pound things in with a rock, like our earliest ancestors, for I have an electric screwdriver.  We don’t even have to waste any time driving to an athletic event or an opera – we just have to turn on the TV and watch from home.  Yet there is not enough time.  The more we have, the more distracted we are.  And yet, as Paul says, we are not COMMANDED to avoid these things – there is no leash put on us, for we are FREE in Christ.  But we should look to God as to what we watch and what we do.

Verse 36.  "But if any man thinks that he is acting unbecomingly toward his virgin daughter, if she is past her youth, and if it must be so, let him do what he wishes, he does not sin; let her marry."

What do you do, when you’re dating, and things start to get out of control?   What happens if behavior starts, that is, in Scripture, reserved for marriage?   You really have two choices:  Either run, like Joseph did from Potiphar’s wife, or marry her.  Taking some "middle ground" just does not work.   Attempting to take the middle ground, that is, to get at least part of everything you want, without the commitment of marriage, seems to be what the people these days do – But what you want is often not what is good for you.

Marriage involves commitment.  In years past, I often encountered couples who lived together but were not married.  Time and time again, they would eventually marry, and they were often surprised when they went from happiness to misery, with only a marriage ceremony in between.  There is nothing at all wrong with marriage, but there is something wrong with us.  We don’t like commitment.  If I HAVE to be somewhere, I am always a little less happy than when I WANTED to be there.  Let me give you an example:  I have not smoked for decades, and no longer even have an urge to do it.  Yet there has been an exception, and that is when I have seen a "No Smoking" sign.  Somehow, the sight of a sign that says I cannot do something contributes to my desire to do it, even though it is harmful for me.

Underneath it all, we all understand that marriage is when I give up myself, in favor of another person.  I do not marry her so that I can a) conquer her, and then b) exercise my rights over her by watching Monday Night Football.  I marry her because I love her, and show that love by prayerfully sacrificing my life for her.  Many don't achieve that and we confess to a lack of perfection in that and other areas.

Verse 37. "But he who stands firm in his heart, being under no constraint, but has authority over his own will, and has decided this in his own heart, to keep his own virgin daughter, he will do well.

Those were days of "giving in marriage."  The parents would get together, arrangements were made, the young people were chosen for one another, and eventually, they married.  In reality, things never worked that well, but things don’t work very well now, either.  There was a theory around for centuries, that if the system of choosing the marital parties was abandoned, and the couples married out of love, people would be happier in marriage.  In our lifetimes, if we are old enough, we have seen "love" become the basis for marriage, in much of the world.

Parents usually don’t choose for their children anymore.  Young people choose for themselves.  How has it worked out?  Not very well.  Just read the papers and see how many spouses are divorcing one another, committing domestic violence, calling the police on each other – such behavior is so common that 99% of it never makes the newspapers at all.  The problem was not that we were "given in marriage."   The problem is not even that we ourselves choose in marriage.  The problem is that we are sinners who are the children of sinners and having no other choice, we marry sinners.  What we really need is Christ at the center of our lives.  Then, whether we call ourselves "Christian" or not, our decisions have a chance of succeeding --- in Him.

Verse 38. "So then both he who gives his own virgin daughter in marriage does well, and he who does not give her in marriage will do better."

Not being married is lonely, at least that is the way it is for many.  "Singles" often don't quite know what to do or say at social gatherings, but we usually have something to say to our spouse.  Intellectually and emotionally, I don't agree that it is "better" to be unmarried.  Yet, spiritually, within that place in us where the Lord lives, we know, we REALLY know, that married or not, it is better to place the Lord FIRST in everything, no matter what our situation in life.

The loneliness we feel will never be satisfied in any way, except in Him.  Many have attempted to deal with the emptiness by filling it with some experience or another, like drinking, drugs or an "affair," as though the other person was some kind of "object" to fill that empty place).  You and I were built that Christ would be IN us, and for us to be in Him.  Each of us only "does well" when we are complete in Him.

Verse 39.  "A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord."

Notice "only in the Lord" at the conclusion of this verse.  Paul stated in another place that "all things are lawful for (Him, but) not all things are expedient" (as in one translation).  The freedom I have found in my walk with the Lord was not expected.  I thought it would be "don’t do this; don’t do that."   But I do not feel at all constricted in my walk with Christ.  Rather, there is freedom like never before, in this life in Christ.  So, I may do a great many things – "only in the Lord."  I have learned to look to Him first.  To seek His counsel and His wisdom, before I do that which I think I have the freedom to do.  Or rather, I should say I am "learning" not that I have "learned."  Only He has the perspective, the wisdom, and the love.   If our spouse is gone, it is lawful for us to remarry, "only in the Lord."

Verse 40.  "But in my opinion she is happier if she remains as she is; and I think that I also have the Spirit of God."

The phrase "But in my opinion" sounds like Paul himself is deciding this for us, and you might conclude that somehow this section is not sanctioned by God, as is the rest of Scripture.  But then he qualifies his statement by referring to the Spirit of God, who was in Him and led Paul to the uttering of these words for you and for me.

You may wonder, how could these words in Scripture be the very Word of God (when they are also very much the words of Paul)?  Note that He, the Lord, is the "omega" as well as the "alpha."  He not only started all things, but He is also very capable of bringing all things to a successful conclusion, as well.   Paul can still be Paul; yet his words can be the very Word of God.  God can also use you, and He does, more than you know.

I think it is wonderful that the Holy Spirit used Paul just as he was.  Paul had the freedom to say, and write, just what he wanted.  He could still very much be Paul, with opinions, concerns, uncertainties – in all, He was Paul.  Yet the Holy Spirit achieved through him exactly, precisely what was needed, in order to bring to pass the very Word of God, for every generation since that time.  The same is true of the Apostle John, the prophet Moses, the Apostle Matthew and Joshua.  We have the words of Amos the prophet and yet also the Word of God through him.  Remember James 5:17-18 – the amazing Elijah was just an ordinary man.  When Christ is in you, much can be done through you as well.

The Holy Spirit, because He is God, is able to take your words, and mine, just as they are, and use them for good in the lives of other people.  You can be Bob or Sue (you can be YOU), and I can be Ron.  Yet, if we truly come to Him, to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, that fulfillment we have always wanted, will start becoming real in our lives.  That hunger we secretly had to do something meaningful for another human being, will start to be real.  Not because we made it happen (that’s where we went wrong before), but because we have come to Him.

Taste and see that the Lord is good, and He WILL equip you for a life filled with joy, and a life in His service, which for most of us, will be right in the place we already are.  It is often not our circumstances that need to be changed, it is US that need to be changed inside.  And He is in the business of doing just that – for our good and for His glory.  Can we praise the Lord in all things?  We certainly can.  Can we thank Him in everything?  Indeed we can, and we should.   Let’s thank Him, right now.

Father, we thank You for our circumstances of life, even though we don’t always understand them and even though we may not like them.  We decide right now, Lord, to trust in You.  We thought we trusted in You before, but it often has not occurred to us that when we grumble about our lives, we are not trusting in You.  Lord, we receive You now, in ways we have not received You before.  Fill us anew with Your Holy Spirit.  Give us love for those around us, even when we are rejected by them.  Open our eyes that we might see the times You use us for Your glory, in the lives of other people.  We love You, Lord, and we thank You that things are just as they are.  We often do not understand but we do love you and praise Your Holy Name.   In Jesus Name.  Amen.

Ron Beckham, Pastor
Friday Study Ministries
www.FirstChurchOnTheNet.org
www.FridayStudy.org
Write to: Ron@FridayStudy.org
"While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8)
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